And I won�t get to say goodbye

Sharp razor blades and painful scars

Tormented soul behind these bars

Childhood wounds to deep to mend

Preventing my trust I lend

In you no more

From the day you walked out that door

Although it was for the best

I can not forgive the rest

You�ll never know how much you missed

In your narcissistic parent bliss

You don�t know how much it hurt

To hear your daddy be so curt

And memories play once again more

Of your hand slapping my little face to the floor

And with ever abusive episode when drunk

My impressionable heart for you it sunk

So deep for a long time I was cold

As I pictured you alone and old

Detached from you in heart and spirit

But there is something, I truly fear it

You will die one night I know

And to memories I won�t let go

But I fear I won�t get to say

While in that coffin you will lay

That besides this pain; love I feel

For the only dad who once was real

A man who grew up so alone

The eldest of eleven who ran away from home

He ran away from beatings and abuse

In search of whom he was

And in the journey feel in love

But it was all because

Validation he was missing in his younger years

His mother couldn�t help him, couldn�t sooth those hurtful tears

And when his father died, part of him when with um

For their where things left unsaid, undone and unobtainable

Pounding hateful rhythm

It wasn�t fair for him to die

And leave him with no closure

Swallowing his pain he lived in fear of an exposure

To all the sickening sadness that he carried all alone

Poor tormented soul feeling ashamed and blown

But it was your decision

To raise above it all

Not knowing how to cope the further down you fall

Repeating your fathers own mistakes upon your young, your blood

Pouring down in abusive rage just like an evil flood

You begged and begged to be taken back time and time again

But bit the hand that pet you when you where let back in

Until there was no more forgiveness to let you back inside

And with leaving you we slowly swallowed whatever left of pride

Deep in shame and sorrow but we carried it all within

As our impressionable minds portrayed a child�s happy grin

It was painful to see you come

It was painful to see you go

It was painful to be around you

Time seemed to pass so slow

I hated you in everyway and everything you were

And as I grew older the word dad became a slur

After so long one day we met again

It was then I realized you weren�t even a friend

You where a stranger in the street

Of whom I just had met

You smiled in all awkwardness I soon will not forget

You too felt me distant and detached away from me

Through avoiding eye contact it was plain to see

I no longer was that daughter you had left so long ago

I was a women is her shoes someone you didn�t know

As you tried to pass as if nothing were the matter

A feeling of understanding grew me even sadder

You were weak and life defeated

Never growing on your own

You felt sad and so mistreated

Like a rag doll that was thrown

Suddenly within me a release came to pass

And I knew that painful memories were escaping me at last

A different regret came upon me, none with childhood

But the pain that followed your life which I finally understood

From then on out I have tried to be a friend

But it is hard that trust for me to lend

Now I fear you will one day die

With out knowing that I

Understand your pain

From which you grew insane

And despite your mistakes

And all the years events

There is this little girl within

Who is racing her daddy for all this pocket cents

I will try to justify your actions with your insecurity

The fact that you were young and full of immaturity

I hope to get to tell you

We love you all the same

I hope I get to tell you

We acknowledge our last name

Hope it�s not to late to fix what has been broken

In words you�ll understand, some of those here spoken

I hope to put your heart at rest

That your life was validated

To let you know we�re truly blessed

For we in life have made it

So when the time comes for you to pass

When you finally come to cease

Know you made a difference and forever lye in peace

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Darkness & Light